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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23649988">Article 4</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aeliheart974/pseuds/Aeliheart974'>Aeliheart974</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Background IwaOi - Freeform, Conversations over shitty college coffee, Enemies to Lovers, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Crack, Futakuchi Kenji Didn't Ask For Any Of This, Iwaizumi wants to die, M/M, Mika is a queen but you knew this already, No One Respects Kuroo Tetsurou, Oikawa has the time of his life</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 22:13:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,183</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23649988</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aeliheart974/pseuds/Aeliheart974</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>-	So what’s it gonna be ? If you want to hire my services, you’ll  have to treat me to dinner for the whole duration of this act, do my laundry and my math homework. And you’ll stop wearing your Slytherin sweatshirt too, you dishonor the house.<br/>-	Excuse me ? Do I have to wax your shoes too ?<br/>Mika shook her head wearily.<br/>-	Daishou, for the love of God, stop talking like a prostitute.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Daishou Suguru/Kuroo Tetsurou, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, past Kuroo Tetsurou/Futakuchi Kenji</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Contract</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi ! Posting this fic in english because i loved writing it in french so hopefully I managed to translate it correctly, english isn't my first language so feel free to tell me if I made any mistakes 8)<br/>In this fic you will find :<br/>- some good old crack<br/>- mika yamaka the absolute queen<br/>- oikawa tooru, my one and only son<br/>- some kuroshou</p><p>What else can i say, kuroshou is my life and you can find me on twitter @medecinpoivre and i post most of my fics in french on ffnet<br/>This first chapter is just some sort of prologue, the story begins in the next one !</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>CONTRACT OF FAKE ROMANCE BETWEEN DAISHOU SUGURU AND KUROO TETSUROU, WRITTEN BY OIKAWA TOORU, KING OF THE DANCEFLOOR</p>
<p>Article 1 – This contract determines the agreement between the two following individuals : Daishou Suguru and Kuroo Tetsurou</p>
<p>Article 2 – Daishou will pretend to be Kuroo’s boyfriend for a duration of fifteen days, and in exchange Kuroo will provide the following favors :<br/>-	Laundry for a month<br/>-	Dinner for every evening during this agreement<br/>-	Prohibition from wearing his Slytherin hoodie during the two weeks of this agreement</p>
<p>Article 3 – This agreement is entirely classified. Only the following people will be allowed to know about it :<br/>-	Oikawa Tooru<br/>-	Mika Yamaka<br/>-	Iwaizumi Hajime<br/>-	Kozume Kenma<br/>-	Kuguri Naoyasu</p>
<p>Article 4 – This performance only has to exist when the two of them are in public. If they happen to be alone in the same room, none of them have to pretend.</p>
<p>Article 5 – Do your worst, but don’t hit your fake boyfriend with a woodstick.</p>
<p>Article 6 – If any of the participants want to end the contract, the agreement will end immediately, whatever the reason. </p>
<p>Article 7 – If Futakuchi Kenji were to discover the truth before the end of the agreement, Daishou Suguru will have to repay every favor Kuroo has provided.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Article 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>—It’s way too cold outside.</p><p>Weirdly enough, between all the reasons Kuroo could have picked out to escape going out that night, the first one he could think about was that one. Sadly, he only realized it the second the words left his lips. In front of him, already dressed-up and sporting his perfectly styled hair, Oikawa rolled his eyes.</p><p>—Do you really think I’m going to fall for that?</p><p>—It’s true, Kuroo protested, crossing his arms. It’s minus three degrees outside. I’m not going out.</p><p>Oikawa shoved him aside unceremoniously to get into his room with an annoyed click of his tongue.</p><p>—Listen here Kuroo, I won’t stand your depressed brooding any longer. I get it, you got dumped. I get it, it’s cold, so what? Does that mean you have to lay there the whole weekend like its your deathbed? For fuck’s sake, you sound like a schoolgirl.</p><p>Kuroo sighed and combed a hand through his hair, vainly seeking in the mess of his tired brain for an excuse that would chase Oikawa away. He’d always got along fine with him since they had met at the Tokyo University but sometimes, Seijoh’s ex-captain got on his nerves so much he wanted to reconsider all of this friendship choices.</p><p>—I have to study for the exams, he muttered.</p><p>—Exams my ass ! Oikawa yelled. They ended last week, do you take me for an idiot?</p><p>—I’m telling you I don’t want to go out. There will be people I don’t want to see at your goddamn party and I’m sure I’m going to end up running into him…</p><p>—Oh, because each location where you might encounter Futakuchi is off-limits now? You won’t go to your classes? What about the cafeteria? I suppose we can ditch the library too – well except for the fact that we all know he only went there for a chance to make out with you so…</p><p>Kuroo took his face between his hands, mortified.</p><p>—I get it, I get it !</p><p>Oikawa clapped with a big smile on his face.</p><p>—I knew you’d listen to the voice of reason.</p><p>—Yeah well at this point it’s mostly harassment…</p><p>His words fell into a deaf man’s ear because Oikawa had already lost interest in him, too busy opening his drawers to search through his stuff.</p><p>—What do you think you’re doing?</p><p>—I’m trying to find you a nice outfit. It’s definitely not going to be easy but I’m sure you have at least one decent thing to wear…</p><p>Oikawa examined closely the t-shirt he’d picked out from his drawer and ended up throwing it on the floor. It took every once of willpower Kuroo had not to strangle him.</p><p>—Are you done? I was nice enough to agree on going out, I’m not going to change clothes.</p><p>Without stopping his research, Oikawa started snickering.</p><p>—Very funny Tetsu-chan, if you think even for a second that I’m going to let you go out in this ugly ass hoodie…</p><p>—Who cares? What are you, a girl? </p><p>Oikawa ended up throwing a black dress shirt at him that he had most likely fished out from the depths of his bottom drawers because Kuroo had forgotten it even existed.</p><p>—You’ll end up thanking me, trust me. Look at what you’ve become. You’re only the shadow of the man you used to be. Where’s Kuroo, the adventurer, the heartbreaker? Oh, right. Contrary to popular belief he never existed.</p><p>—Thank God, Kuroo muttered. We’ve got enough with one in this promotion.</p><p>—If you’re referring to our excellent friend Daishou Suguru he already owes me 2000 yen for betting you wouldn’t come.</p><p>—What? Kuroo gasped. You could have started with that. Let’s go.</p><p>He put on his coat at the speed of light and shoved Oikawa out of his room.</p><p>—Sometimes I forget that the best way to get you to do something is to tell you Daishou said you couldn’t do it…</p><p>—I don’t know what you’re talking about.</p><p>While Kuroo locked up his room, Oikawa picked up his phone that had started ringing.</p><p>—Hello? Yeah it’s all good, he’s coming with me. Remind me again, who’s the best… Yeah you’re damn right, he definitely needs it. See you, we’ll be there in two minutes.</p><p>Kuroo gave him a suspicious look.</p><p>—Who was that?</p><p>—Mika.</p><p>Deciding he was probably better off not knowing why Oikawa insisted so much on bringing him to that party, Kuroo shrugged. From all the former Nohebi students, Mika really wasn’t the most insufferable one. That title belonged to Daishou anyway.</p><p>Kuroo had been sad not to go the same university than Bokuto, but he considered himself lucky to have found this many familiar faces after the end of high school. He’d made friends with Oikawa from the first year of university, and since he got along way to well with Daishou and Mika, they’d formed a group of friends before they knew it. Which certainly explained why Mika and Oikawa thought it was their duty to put him back on his feet after his breakup.</p><p>Still, there was something very depressing about getting dragged to a party just so his friends could try to cheer him up. Kuroo followed Oikawa, muttering he was definitely not staying more than two hours, even if his friend didn’t listen to a word he was saying.</p><p>—Where’s Iwaizumi? Kuroo suddenly asked. You didn’t manage to convince him to come?</p><p>Maybe Kuroo would find some support in him. The only person who seemed to share his opinion on Daishou was Iwaizumi, Oikawa’s unlucky boyfriend.</p><p>—Of course I did. He’s already at the party.</p><p>Lucky him, Kuroo sighed.</p><p>—You could at least try to pretend to look forward to it ! It’s your grand return in the world of the living after all.</p><p>Kuroo rolled his eyes, trying to remember when exactly he had died. Oikawa’s talent to exaggerate things never ceased to amaze him.</p><p>—It’s been a week, don’t you think you’ve exaggerated?</p><p>Oikawa blew on his hands to warm them up.</p><p>—Watching you brood in your room for one week is way too long.</p><p>—This is all because I didn’t laugh to your papaya joke, admit it.</p><p>—It was an excellent joke Kuroo. Excellent ! Kenma even smiled.</p><p>—Yeah, right…</p><p>They had almost reached the house the party was held at when Oikawa stopped on his tracks and looked at him.</p><p>—I never liked Futakuchi. Never understood what you liked about him either. Honestly he isn’t worth getting so depressed over. One day you’ll find a nerd with the same shitty humor as you.</p><p>—I’m so moved I could cry, thanks Oikawa, Kuroo said, wiping a nonexistent tear out of the corner of his eye. And i’m <em>not</em> depressed.</p><p>Oikawa slightly tilted his head to the side with an expression that clearly indicated his doubt about the veracity of this affirmation.</p><p>—I’m telling the truth ! Kuroo screamed. I’m just pissed because all he did was blame me for some bullshit and…things that had nothing to do with our relationship. And he can be so hypocritical when he gets down to it, seriously…</p><p>—Oh really? I’d really like some details.</p><p>Kuroo shook his head.</p><p>—No, because we’re almost there and I’m not going to tell you about my pathetic love life in a house where half of the university can hear us.</p><p>—Fair enough. But you’ll owe me an explanation for next time.</p><p>Kuroo shrugged and they made their way to the entrance of the house. Oikawa opened the door and greeted the host, a member of the university’s football team. How Oikawa could manage to remember the name of every people he’d ever spoken, even if it was only once, was beyond Kuroo’s comprehension.</p><p>They walked through the door and made their way inside the house. Finally, they located Mika and Iwaizumi, talking quietly in the hallway that led to the kitchen.</p><p>—There he is ! she said the second she saw Kuroo. Alive and kicking !</p><p>Kuroo turned to Oikawa with a tired sigh.</p><p>—I wasn’t dead, but hi to you too, Mika…</p><p>She handed him a glass.</p><p>—Here. You need it more than I do.</p><p>—I’m not sure how to take it but thanks I guess.</p><p>—Sorry Oikawa dragged you here, Iwaizumi said.</p><p>—Iwa-chan, I’m doing it for his own good. A brute like you could never understand.</p><p>He dodged Iwaizumi’s kick with a deftness that showed years of experience.</p><p>—Anyway Kuroo, you know what I’d to if I was in your place? Not that I’d ever be in your place because I have Iwa-chan but –</p><p>—Get to the point, Iwaizumi sighed.</p><p>Oikawa motioned for them to get closer, as if he was just about to unveil the secret to immortality.</p><p>—I’d pretend to date someone else just to piss them off. A week after a breakup it’s like throwing your dirty laundry basket in his face.</p><p>Kuroo shook his head, definitely unconvinced.</p><p>—What makes you think he would give a damn?</p><p>—With an ego like his? I don’t doubt it for a second.</p><p>—He’s speaking from experience. Since he’s the only one whose ego could rival Futakuchi’s and all that…</p><p>Oikawa almost choked on his drink.</p><p>—Thank you Mika-chan, these lovely compliments went straight to my heart.</p><p>Kuroo crossed his arms.</p><p>—Oikawa, every time I’ve followed your advice in the past…</p><p>He winced.</p><p>—Well, fine, let him see how miserable you’re feeling ! After all, what’s a little less dignity after getting dumped…</p><p>—You’re an asshole. And who would I pretend to date anyway? Your plan is pointless.</p><p>Mika and Oikawa shared a frightening smile.</p><p>—You could ask Daishou, Mika suggested. He went to get drinks, he should be back soon…</p><p>Kuroo almost dropped his cup.</p><p>—What? Daishou? Are you being fucking serious right now?</p><p>As if speaking his name was enough to summon him, Nohebi’s ex-captain walked up to them. Mika took him by the shoulders and pushed him towards Kuroo.</p><p>—Hi. Can someone tell me what’s happening?</p><p>Seeing Daishou’s face suddenly made Kuroo remember that this party could turn out to be much worse than he had anticipated. He couldn’t tell what annoyed him the most between his smile that look shadier than a snake’s and the fact that having the same hair color than the Joker could actually look good on him.</p><p>—Kuroo was just about to ask you to pretend to be his boyfriend to piss off Futakuchi, Mika helpfully summarized.</p><p>Kuroo almost choked in rage – or shame, he wasn’t sure of anything at this point. Before he could protest, Daishou frowned, then smiled in a way that made Kuroo’s stomach churn.</p><p>—Trust me, Tetsu-chan, you really can’t afford my company.</p><p>The fact that Daishou was not in the least shocked by what Mika had just said to him and that he preferred to inform Kuroo of his rates said a lot about his opportunistic snake’s nature. Kuroo regretted once more that he’d agreed to follow Oikawa.</p><p>—Oh shut up Daishou, Mika snickered. You aren’t worth more than 200 yen, I’m pretty sure Kuroo’s not that broke.</p><p>Iwaizumi stifled a laugh.</p><p>—At least <em>she</em> speaks from experience.</p><p>Daishou clutched his heart with a pained look.</p><p>—Thanks a lot for your support, Mika. It means a lot to me.</p><p>—Kuroo needs the support, not you.</p><p>Sure, Kuroo liked Mika way more than Daishou, but he still would have appreciated that she’d mind her own business.</p><p>—Is this bullshit even true? Daishou asked him, crossing his arms. You must be really desperate to come to me for help…</p><p>Kuroo inhaled long before answering, an exercise he had developed years ago to avoid punching Daishou in the face five times a day.</p><p>—First of all, <em>fuck you</em>, and second of all, Oikawa and Mika never asked for my opinion, if you really think I’d want to pretend to date you… I’d rather date a goose.</p><p>—Please refrain from speaking about your disgusting tendencies here Tetsu-chan, I didn’t need to know that.</p><p>Oikawa cleared his throat, pointing to the front door.</p><p>—Not to pressure any of you, but Futakuchi just got there.</p><p>Daishou shrugged, looking at Kuroo defiantly.</p><p>—So what’s it gonna be? If you want to hire my services, you’ll  have to treat me to dinner for the whole duration of this bullshit, and my laundry and my math homework. And you’ll stop wearing your Slytherin sweatshirt, you dishonor the house.</p><p>—Excuse me? Do I have to wax your shoes too?</p><p>Mika shook her head wearily.</p><p>—Daishou, for the love of God, stop talking like a prostitute.</p><p>The latter gave him a falsely sorry smile.</p><p>—You just sold me, I'll let you know that makes you a pimp.</p><p>Iwaizumi looked around, probably for the nearest exit door, and Kuroo could not blame him.</p><p>"Hm, hm," said Oikawa, who seemed to be enjoying himself way too much, his hand in a visor as if he was on top of a pirate ship, « I spotted Futakuchi at three o'clock. »</p><p>—Do we have a deal? Daishou asked Kuroo again, as nonchalantly as if he’d just asked him about his choice of topping on a pizza.</p><p>Kuroo hesitated a few seconds before shaking Daishou's hand.</p><p>—We do, asshole.</p><p>—Good ! Oikawa exclaimed. We'll make a formal contract when we get home, now you have thirty seconds to kiss if you want this to work.</p><p>An icy chill ran up Kuroo's spine.</p><p>—Huh? Now?</p><p>Without losing his smile, Daishou took a step towards him and smoothed the collar of his shirt.</p><p>—Nervous, Tetsu-chan? You can give up before it’s too late, I won’t judge you.</p><p>—Shut up, Kuroo mumbled.</p><p>He suddenly felt very cramped, wedged between the hideous wallpaper of this house and the face of his sworn enemy, who was only a slightly less hideous.</p><p>—I'll make you pay double if you keep being this difficult.</p><p>—Mika’s right, you really talk like a prostitu -</p><p>—Futakuchi ! Oikawa exclaimed. My dear friend, how are you? May I get you a drink?</p><p>Daishou gave him a look. Oikawa had granted them a maximum of ten seconds.</p><p>—Put your goddamn snake tongue in my mouth and be done with it, Kuroo finally snapped.</p><p>A smile tugged at Daishou's lips.</p><p>—Very well.</p><p>Without an inkling of hesitation, Daishou grabbed Kuroo's chin between his thumb and forefinger and kissed him on the lips. Even if he’d just asked him to do it, Kuroo felt a shiver of panic run through him. He was kissing Daishou Suguru, his sworn enemy turned into a friend-imposed-by-the-rest-of-his-group. None of that made sense.</p><p>Finally deciding that he was stuck too deep in this masquerade to backtrack, Kuroo returned the kiss and pulled him against him.</p><p>—Finally, I was getting tired of doing all the work, Daishou whispered against his mouth.</p><p>—Shut it.</p><p>Kuroo would never admit it to anyone, but Daishou knew exactly what he was doing. He kissed him with an exasperating assurance, whereas every new kiss made Kuroo hesitate. How could he ignore the fact that they had never been so close to each other before, that there had never been anything romantic between them?</p><p>Trying not to think about Futakuchi was pure torture. What else was he supposed to think about? How was he supposed to forget that all of this was pretend? Kuroo had never wanted to kiss Daishou in his entire life. And even if he had to imagine it, he would have pictured a kiss devoid of all emotion, something as fake as the jerk he was kissing.</p><p>This kiss was the exact opposite of what he had imagined. Of course, something was missing - a real reason aside from this ridiculous masquerade - but for an absurd second, Kuroo thought that if they had to kiss each other in other circumstances, he might have appreciated it.</p><p>That is, until Daishou leaned back a few millimeters to grumble:</p><p>—You could at least pretend to know how to kiss.</p><p>—Fuck you. Kuroo spat, trying to control the tone of his voice.</p><p>Daishou sighed, resting his forehead against his, a mocking smile on his lips.</p><p>—You're too tense. We’re dating and crazy about each other, don’t you remember?</p><p>—There’s no way this is going to work.</p><p>Daishou pinned him a little more against the wall.</p><p>—Not if you don’t put some effort into it.</p><p>—Remind me why you’re doing this, again?</p><p>Daishou's laugh vibrated against Kuroo's throat.</p><p>—To steal all your money. And because it's going to be the funniest two weeks of my life.</p><p>—Don’t talk so fast. If you think I can't make your life a living hell… Kuroo grinned as he ran a hand through his hair.</p><p>—Yeah, well, if you're as good at kissing as you are at making my life a living hell, I think I’m pretty safe.</p><p>Kuroo’s blood boiled in his veins. It was by far the most stupid thing he’d done in his entire life, but this time it was too much. He was tired of hearing his friends treat him like a depressive turnip when the only thing he asked was to be left alone, tired of seeing Daishou make fun of him as if he was going to be the only one to enjoy of this arrangement.</p><p>Kuroo kissed Daishou again for the simple pleasure of cutting him off, and he forgot for a moment that all their friends could see them.</p><p>Why did he even agree? Why did he let Oikawa persuade him that this masquerade was a good idea, why did he agree to pretend to go out with Daishou of all people?</p><p>A voice in his head whispered to him that he knew it very well - because he was probably the only person he could fool Futakuchi with. And neither Oikawa, nor Mika, nor even Daishou needed to know why.</p><p>—Did he see us, at least?</p><p>—Oh, turn around to check, it will immediately make it more believable …</p><p>Kuroo was about to insult him with all the tenderness in the world - since it was the life he had chosen to live now - but Oikawa patted him on the shoulder before he had could.</p><p>—He left. Mission accomplished, he was fuming. Magnificent.</p><p>Daishou immediately pulled away from Kuroo and smoothed his shirt as if he still had a few crumbs of dignity left.</p><p>—Well, I hope you enjoyed the show.</p><p>Mika applauded and Iwaizumi pinched his nose with a weary sigh.</p><p>—Magnificent ! Oikawa repeated. I heard him grumble something like, "Oh well they didn’t waste their time. " </p><p>Kuroo was only slowly beginning to realize what was happening. He had just kissed Daishou Suguru, his mortal enemy, only to make Futakuchi Kenji, his bastard of an ex, believe that he didn’t care about him.</p><p>And he had thought for a second that it was a good idea. This kind of moment really made him question his intellectual abilities.</p><p>—What now?</p><p>Oikawa glanced at his watch.</p><p>—We can either keep watching you make out in public, or go back to the dorms and write a contract in good legal form of this small arrangement …</p><p>—Very good, Iwaizumi concluded. Put on your coats, we’re getting out of here.</p><p>Mika followed him into the hallway with a low laugh. Daishou patted Kuroo's cheek when he walked past him.</p><p>—Don’t be too disappointed, honey, we're only getting started.</p><hr/><p>The sound of Daishou's printer woke Kuroo up. He was still half drowsing when they finally handed him the famous contract that Oikawa had just finished writing. He looked at it suspiciously, knowing that Daishou had helped him, leaning over Oikawa's laptop with great interest.</p><p>It seemed to him that they had spent hours typing this garbage - which was now covered with snake stickers of the very poor taste.</p><p>—Two weeks seemed reasonable, Oikawa commented. Long enough that Futakuchi won’t suspect it was staged, short enough so neither of you murders the other.</p><p>—If only you were this motivated to work on your law assignments… Iwaizumi mumbled, sitting against the door.</p><p>He looked even less awake than Kuroo.</p><p>Beside him, Mika repressed a yawn.</p><p>—Well, can you sign so we can all go to sleep?</p><p>Kuroo did not answer, still in the middle of reading it.</p><p>—What is this, Oikawa? <em>Article five, do your absolute worst but don’t hit your fake boyfriend with a woodstick</em>?</p><p>Seijoh’s ex-captain shrugged.</p><p>—It sounded good to me. Appreciate this little contract at its fair value, will you?</p><p>Daishou watched him with crossed arms, as if to challenge him to step back. Kuroo glared at him and grabbed the first pen he could find.</p><p>The screeching of his pen on the paper when he signed sounded like his death warrant, but he handed the cursed paper to Oikawa with a big smile.</p><p>—And now, what's the next step? A blood oath? A wedding in Las Vegas?</p><p>"A nap," Iwaizumi mumbled, still leaning against the door. It is three o'clock in the morning, we have a class at eight o'clock, that means that the first of you who annoys me tomorrow morning will be a dead man …</p><p>—Fortunately for all of us, we all know it’s going to be Oikawa, yawned Mika.</p><p>Daishou nodded and took his own copy of the contract to sign it under Oikawa's watchful eye.</p><p>—And that's it, it's settled.</p><p>Oikawa stretched and got up from where he was comfortably seated next to Daishou.</p><p>—Well, Iwa-chan, let’s get going.</p><p>—I’ve been waiting for you to say this for the entire night.</p><p>Too tired to think about what would be waiting for him the next day, Kuroo stuffed his copy of the contract into his pocket and stood up.</p><p>—I'll walk you back to your dorm, Mika.</p><p>—That's very kind of you, but are you sure you don’t want to sleep with Daishou? Better get used to be close, right?</p><p>Daishou jumped up.</p><p>—Don’t push it, Mika. He goes back to his trash heap of a room, that’s it.</p><p>—We at least agree on one point, darling. Kuroo retorted.</p><p>Mika stuck out  her tongue at him and picked up her coat. After warmly saying goodbye to Daishou with a subtle middle finger, Kuroo took her back to the girls' dormitories, which were a few blocks away on the campus. Cold and tiredness numbed him so much that if he had stumbled in the snow, he would probably have been unable to get up.</p><p>"You sure seem to be having fun with that fake boyfriend stuff." Kuroo pointed out.</p><p>—You think? Mika chuckled. It’s been a long time since I had laughed so much in a few hours. You should have seen the look on Futakuchi’s face.</p><p>Kuroo sighed. It was too late to think back on the consequences of their agreement.</p><p>—At least I haven’t kissed Daishou for nothing, that's all that matters.</p><p>—It would have been very unfortunate, indeed, she giggled.</p><p>When they finally reached the girls' dormitory, Mika nodded.</p><p>—Thank you for walking me back. See you tomorrow.</p><p>—If I'm still alive, Kuroo grumbled. And no problem. See you.</p><p>When he got back to his room, Kuroo collapsed on his bed without even removing his shirt. Every second of sleep he could spare would be welcome.</p><hr/><p>The first hours of the next day was as chaotic as expected. Kuroo struggled to follow the class, his heavy eyelids and his brain in stew, while Oikawa complained about his migraine. His only consolation was that Daishou and Mika were nowhere to be seen, which left him two hours to prepare himself psychologically. He knew very well that Futakuchi and his entire team of Dateko elders were sitting four rows higher than them in the amphitheater, and that after the scene he had granted him the day before, his eyes would be on him.</p><p>Kuroo should have felt guilty of such a charade, but the mere thought that Futakuchi was angry at seeing him with Daishou was enough to dispel his remorse. It was his turn to circle around wondering what he’d done to deserve that.</p><p>When their teacher announced the traditional morning break, Kuroo shut his computer down.</p><p>"I'm beat," he mumbled. It would take me five naps to recover.</p><p>"You're getting old." Oikawa told him, as if he didn't have the shape of the table imprinted on his cheek after spending the last two hours sleeping on it.</p><p>"Here is your man," jeered Iwaizumi, pointing to the entrance to the amphitheater.</p><p>Kuroo looked up to see Daishou and Mika walking down the stairs with a coffee in their hand, as fresh as if they had slept a full night and without the slightest shame for the two hours of classes they had skipped.</p><p>—My dear Mika, you're as beautiful as ever, Oikawa cooed, kissing her hand.</p><p>Oikawa had never recovered from the fact that Mika was totally insensitive to his so-called legendary charm. His ways of dealing with his trauma were debatable.</p><p>—Thank you my dear friend, it’s very nice, although I cannot return the compliment. Mika answered, sitting next to him.</p><p>—Always determined to break my heart, aren't you?</p><p>—You'll get over it.</p><p>Kuroo thanked the gods for its tiredness, as he barely reacted when Daishou leaned over to kiss his cheek.</p><p>—You really look like shit today, he greeted him.</p><p>—Not everyone is irresponsible enough to skip class, Kuroo grumbled.</p><p>—Priorities.</p><p>—Mh.</p><p>Anyone would have known that Kuroo was not in a position to have a discussion about anything in this state of fatigue, but Daishou did not care at all.</p><p>—You should have seen the look that Futakuchi threw at me when I arrived … He looked like you, but better dressed.</p><p>Kuroo let out a sneer.</p><p>—Perfect.</p><p>—I would say that he’s sunk very low for dating you, but actually I think he exasperates me even more than you.</p><p>—You’re going to make me blush with your sweet words. Keep that for when we're alone.</p><p>—Speaking of which, don't forget you're treating me to dinner tonight.</p><p>—Yes, by the way…</p><p>Kuroo reached for his backpack to pull out his wallet, but Oikawa stopped him immediately.</p><p>—What do you think you're doing? You will eat <em>together</em> every night, it is non-negotiable. Are you a couple or a prostitute and his client?</p><p>Mika cleared her throat as if to censor his words.</p><p>—If you want it to work you will have to put some effort in it.</p><p>Kuroo and Daishou exchanged a dismayed look.</p><p>—We should never have let him write this contract.</p><p>—For once we agree, sweetheart.</p><hr/><p>At lunchtime, while Kuroo drowned his fatigue in a bowl of overcooked noodles, the small group was joined by Kuguri and Kenma, who finished their morning classes half an hour later than them.</p><p>Kuroo didn’t have a very strong opinion of Kuguri. Although he was naturally wary of the people who gravitated around Daishou, he had to admit that this one in particular was not so unpleasant. At a time that Kuroo had missed during his sophomore year - and Kenma's first year - he had made friends with him. To say that Kenma did not trust easily would have been a euphemism, so Kuroo ended up concluding that Kuguri was one of the few decent people who were friends with Daishou.</p><p>When Kuroo had asked Kenma, about it he had replied: "He's not boring, he's not noisy, and at least he's compassionate when you and Daishou behave like toddlers." Kuroo didn't have much to answer to that.</p><p>Daishou was happy to welcome the newcomers by loudly asking Kuroo :</p><p>—Well, are you going to tell them about us, baby?</p><p>Kuroo was now certain that it was impossible for him and Daishou to survive both of those two weeks. There were two solutions : dying of shame in the literal sense of the word, or to do what he should have done years ago :  strangle this dirty snake, therefore ridding the planet of its most vicious plague.</p><p>—Remember the article 5, Kuroo, Oikawa hissed as he bit into his milk bread.</p><p>Kuguri frowned as if he had just landed on another planet.</p><p>—Article 5? Baby? Can someone explain what's going on?</p><p>—I’ll have you know, my dear Kuguri, that Kuroo and I have been together since last night, Daishou whispered. It's true love.</p><p>Kenma raised an eyebrow.</p><p>—You sure recovered quickly from your breakup with Futakuchi.</p><p>—Kenma, it’s not what it looks like, Kuroo grumbled. Sit down so I can explain, because it's going to take a long time.</p><p>Kuguri and Kenma exchanged glances.</p><p>—Kuguri let’s go eat elsewhere.</p><p>Kuroo was about to protest, asking when they had officially teamed up against them, but Daishou reacted faster than him.</p><p>—Enough of this insolent behavior, Kuguri! Daishou said. Sit there.</p><p>The latter obeyed with a tired sigh.</p><p>—You know he's not your captain anymore, right? Kenma grumbled, taking a seat next to him.</p><p>As Oikawa explained the situation in a very dramatic and unnecessary way, Kuroo could see Kenma's respect for him drop down to nothing just by watching his face.</p><p>—I’m speechless.</p><p>—And we’ll have to endure this for two full weeks? Kuguri summed up.</p><p>Daishou nodded.</p><p>—Are you wondering how they both managed to become captains, too? Kenma sighed.</p><p>—Kenma, I thought I could count on your support in any circumstances, Kuroo said in a painful tone.</p><p>Kenma finished his glass of water before answering with his usual jaded expression:</p><p>—Yes Kuroo. That's perfect, Kuroo. I'm proud of you, Kuroo. You're going to go far in life with this attitude, Kuroo.</p><p>Iwaizumi nodded.</p><p>—I’ve been thinking the exact same thing.</p><p>Kuroo spent the rest of the lunch break trying to explain how he had no other choice but to do this, to a Kenma who did not care at all, while Kuguri was seriously considering leaving the country and denying ever having the slightest contact with Daishou.</p><p>This far, the first day of this contract was going great.</p>
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